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So, you’re single after 30 and still not married. You may be feeling societal or familial pressure at this point. Or you may hear your biological clock ticking louder and louder as the days go by. If you’re like me, you’re probably tired of the ever-ubiquitous questions regarding your dating life. I know it’s tiring and frustrating. So let me ask you a question.
How Are You?
How are you doing? It’s okay to admit how you are feeling about being single. Also, take the time to examine why you’re feeling that way. Make sure your feelings are not from any outside pressure. Your feelings should reflect on what you desire. Are you enjoying the single life? The season of singleness is the perfect opportunity to live out what God has called you to do. Now is the time to have fun and become the person you are supposed to be. There is no need to wait for a relationship to begin living.
Your life should be full outside of a relationship. If you are unhappy, there is still time to change it. The journey is just as rewarding as the destination. This is also a time to examine if you want marriage. The truth is, not all of God’s children will get married. It’s also okay to desire marriage. But wallowing in self-pity or replaying past love stories isn’t the way to get there. Begin enjoying your life. What are you waiting for?
Past Relationships
Do you ever find yourself thinking about past relationships and playing the what-if game? If I had only done this, or if he had done that I would be married by now. That’s a dangerous game to play because unless it was a horrific abuse-filled relationship, we tend to romanticize the past a bit. The past is the past for a reason. Honestly, is there anyone in your past that would have said yes to? If so, why aren’t you all together now?
Something happened to cause the relationship to end. Maybe it was him, or maybe it was you. Did either of you have the emotional maturity or communication skills to sustain the relationship until now? There is nothing wrong with looking in the past to get a reference for how far you’ve come or to look at the lessons learned. However, don’t live there. If there isn’t anyone who you would have said yes to, forge ahead. Either way, the best is yet to come.
Continue Working on Yourself
By working on yourself I don’t mean strive for perfection. Perfection is not a requirement in this life. It’s also not a requirement for marriage. If it was, no one would be married. Reject the notion of perfection and embrace excellence. Become the best you possible. If that means getting out of debt or living a healthier lifestyle, do it. Operating in a spirit of excellence doesn’t require a partner. You can do it while still single.
You’ll be doing this even after marriage so go ahead and get into the practice of examining your mindset and life. Some areas may need work, others may not. Continue to work on your communication skills. Start the business you always wanted. Become proud of who you are and the life you’re living. If you desire marriage, this will only make you more attractive to your potential mate.
Who are You Attracting?
We all have a type. A preference for the type of person we want to date and eventually marry. That type isn’t necessarily who we are attracting. I don’t believe you attract who you are. We attract all types of people. It’s up to us to use our God-given discernment and wisdom to determine who to say yes to. The better question is who are you saying yes to? There is no obligation to enter into a relationship with any person that approaches. Test the spirit by the spirit. Only say yes to those people who God says yes to also.
In truth, the people we enter into relationship with are a reflection of us. Why would you enter into any type of relationship with a dusty crusty person? Once their character is revealed, say no and move on. Saying yes to a person shows how much or how little you value yourself and your goals. This applies to every relationship, not just romantic ones.
Mindset
Saying yes to the right people might mean you need to change your mindset. Who do you believe you are? What do you think you’re worthy of? Do you even believe you can attract the person you want? Renew your mind in Christ daily. Changing your mindset my not stop certain people from approaching, but it will make you stop saying yes to people who do not fit your destiny.
Once you believe you can do something, all of a sudden that thing becomes possible. Changing the way, you think about yourself and what you deserve will impact every area of your life. You’ll begin to see life differently and start living worthily of the calling God has placed upon you.
Redefine Success
All too often we’re taught that a successful relationship ends in marriage. What if we change that narrative? Why do we always center marriage as the only way a relationship is successful? Although dating a person may not ultimately work out, there are so many valuable lessons to learn along the way. Each lesson learned is a success. Nothing is a waste of time. Success doesn’t have to look like a married couple in a mansion. It can also look like a single woman living debt-free. It can be whatever you make it.
Singleness is a time to explore and learn more about yourself. Live as much as possible. Pursue God and you’ll find happiness in Him. Being single doesn’t mean that you are alone. Celebrate friends and family just as much as you celebrate being in a romantic relationship. Having a well-rounded life that doesn’t revolve around anything other than God is what success looks like to me.
Thanks for joining me on the journey through singleness,
Kim
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