If you are tired of being alone on Valentine’s Day and you want this to be the last year that you are single, (like me) let’s make a plan to not be single next Valentine’s Day.
Plan for Companionship
Evaluate your mindset. Do you have a mindset that would attract a quality man? Who are you as a person? What are you attracted to? You may have to change your social habits. Maybe you need to make more female friends so that you can go out more. Pray that God reveals what’s really keeping you single. Once He reveals it to you make a strategic plan on how to overcome those obstacles so this can be the last year you’re single. Be sure to have realistic and measurable goals and ask for God’s help every step of the way. This could be the last Valentine’s day you spend without a man.
Pray and Wait?
So, I know there is a lot of wisdom and Christian teachers out there who preach pray and wait, but I’m not so sure that’s the best model. Every other major decision gets weighed and poked and prodded, but the decision on who to marry is the only one where we throw our hands up and let God do all the work. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying leave God out of the equation. We must be led by the Holy Spirit in everything we do. However, put as much time and effort into attracting a quality man as you do studying for a test or preparing for an interview.
Ok, so a test and a job interview aren’t necessarily the best correlations to marriage. But what is the best correlation? In what other institution will two become one? What else did God design to not only advance His kingdom but also to populate the earth? Shouldn’t the time and energy we use to prepare for a forever marriage at least equal the time devoted things that will last a few years at most?
Mindset
Let’s start with the first question. What is your mindset? Do you believe there is a Godly man that desires marriage and is willing to marry you? You have to believe a thing in order to see it. You have to have faith that God will do what He said. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. What are you hoping for? Where is your hope found? I cannot answer these questions for you, but you certainly can.
This will be a process. We are called to transform by the renewing of our minds. It’s time to transform and renew. It’s time to shift your mindset. This may require letting go of some old thinking patterns. This may require a new friend group that encourages you and believes what you do. Changing your mindset is not easy. This may be one of the most challenging steps, but that’s why it’s first. Your mindset will set the tone for your entire existence, not just about dating and marriage.
Who are You?
Changing your mindset will naturally lead to the next question, who are you as a person? I’m not asking what have you accomplished in your life? Do not list your titles and accolades. I’m talking about the person under all of that. Are you kind? Encouraging? Supportive? Are you the type of person you would want in your life? The life of your child? Self-assess and correct. Make sure you have what you’re asking for.
Now, I’m not telling you to condemn yourself. Self-assessment doesn’t have anything to do with thinking negatively about yourself. You are a child of The Most High. You are still valuable and precious in His sight. See yourself as He sees you. Begin to think about yourself in the same way that He thinks of you. Look at yourself in the same light as God. This way you won’t accept anything less than God’s best because you’ll see that’s exactly what you are too.
Calling
Being who God called you to be will inevitably attract the type of man you want to be with. I believe with all my heart that walking confidently in God’s will is going to lead to the man your heart desires. No more Ishmaels, only Isaacs from here on out. That’s God’s promise. God’s word accomplishes exactly what it was sent to do. The only question is do you believe it? How can God do what He needs to do if you not believe He will do it? It’s impossible to please God without faith. So, in faith make a plan to get that man. Don’t use waiting on God as an excuse to sit still and do nothing.
My Plan
Your plan should include God in every aspect. What goals do you have? What measurable action steps are you taking? I’m not one to share something and not do it, so here’s a snippet of my marriage plan.
- Specific Goal: Marriage
- Measurable:
- Two dates per month
- Speak to and converse with at least 3 new men per week
- Pray/journal for my husband every day
- Attainable: I take public transit to and from work and I am on at least 2 dating apps. I can attain the goal of speaking to and conversing with 3 new men per week.
- Realistic: I will have to push myself out of my comfort zone to get this, but it will be done.
- Timebound: Marriage by 36 years old
There are a lot more details in my plan, but I want to give you an idea to let you know you are not alone. I’m working on my mindset and seeing myself as God sees me. I pray and ask God to help me walk more confidently in my calling so that I can be prepared for everything that He has for me. I read and listen to His word so that my faith may increase. Life isn’t all about getting a man. I’m still pursuing other goals in God with the same vigor and specificity. This plan is the work I’m putting behind my faith for marriage. A plan will work in other areas of our lives too.
When it’s all said and done remember Valentine’s Day is just a day. We got through this one just like we have gotten through all the other ones. Valentine’s Day does not determine our self-worth or our value as women. The lack of romantic interest on Valentine’s Day or on any day does not diminish anything about us. We are still strong, loving, and amazing women. Keep pressing forward and remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in everything!
Recommended Resources
www.singleinchrist.org/dating-slump
Single Girl’s Guide to Valentine’s Day